Dancing Words: First Poetry Performance

I am no stranger to the stage. I grew up falling in love with dance. I lived to go to class, practice and eventually get the cute costume for the recital. I love moving to the music and singing it out loud any chance I get. The memories of dancing have been creeping in and I realize how much I miss it and have always needed a creative outlet. Now at age 22, I have fallen out of the dance routine and channeled this energy into writing and art instead. I use poetry to work through my feelings. Dance was a place to relieve the stress of my many emotions as a child, although dance may have caused the stress as well, we will get into my swaying relationship with sports another time. Writing on the other hand has allowed healing and expression of even more complicated emotions I feel as an adult. 

During my junior year of college, I was going through a split with someone. It was a tale as old as time, boy meets girl they hit it off and boy isn’t “ready”. I would journal and alleviate my hurt through the pages. From this, I had a couple of poems I was proud of. Months later the art club I was a part of was hosting an open mic and it was something I had never done before I wanted to try. I am a natural speaker and did great in all my class presentations, but I felt different pressure. These words were mine I had to be clear and concise and feel the rhythm of the lines. I was a bit nervous but after having peers look over my work I was confident I had made a piece that people could relate to and feel. Although the poem came from a sad place, it allowed me to grow and have the confidence to share my experience with others. Without further ado, Smoking Heart.

What is this feeling of cigarette burns on my heart

The dropping of my soul

The twisting of my stomach 

This feeling is burning me 

Mentally

Emotionally

Saying to me

You never really did see 

The real possibility 

Of what we could be 

My heart was used like your ashtray

Where you put your waste away 

Where you lay your way

On me… at night

To get yourself feeling right

Nevermind mine tho

Is that right?

Was my role in this just to act right?

And to fight?

Fight this feeling of falling

Ash falling into my eyes

Till I become blind

Blind to the fact that you never cared

As I lay and bared 

My dimming soul

As I try and pull

Myself out from the ashes

As my mind and body clashes

Met with a hurt I had never felt 

How did you feel when you watched me melt?

You played a game of stealth

Withholding your information

Just to obscure my evaluation 

Your words and your action

Are a frustrating contradiction

When all I wanted was a fraction 

A fraction of you

But I fail

Again you tap your coffin nail

The cinders soaked by my teary cheek

The cheek you once would kiss

How could I have been so weak?

What signs did I miss?

My heart can’t take the smoke

Almost had me wishing we never spoke